Humorous devotions seniors

Humorous devotions seniors DEFAULT

I have a new devotional being published and I am excited about the “buzz” being generated.

The title is “Lighten Up and Live: 90 Lighthearted Devotions to Brighten Your Day” Each one is written to help you start your day with a smile as well as a powerful dose of inspiration.

Here is one of the devotionals in the book. If you like it, I know you will enjoy the other 89 Lighthearted Devotions to Brighten Your Day.

Lighten Up and Live: 90 Light-hearted Devotions to Brighten Your Day

Worrying about the what ifs

When I was a boy, we had pre-air-conditioning features on our car called “wings.” Little vertical windows that directed outside air into the car. Open the wing and air would hit the glass and fly into the car.

The downside was that the wing also directed anything that was flying in the air into the car.

One Sunday a bee hit the wing, was jettisoned into the car and got caught in my sweater. I began screaming, “A bee! Agh! Mom! It’s a bee! I’m gonna die!”

“Pipe down!” my sympathetic mom shouted.” If you don’t bother the bee, it won’t bother you.”

  • I didn’t know what bothered a bee.
  • What if the bee didn’t want to go to church?
  • Certainly any bee that just hit a piece of glass at 60 mph would be bothered already.

The “what ifs” of life often paralyze us.

  • What if the stock market crashes?
  • What if I lose my job?

Here’s what the Bible says about that kind of worry.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? (Matthew 6:25-27)

In verse 33 God gives the best antidote to worry:

“Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

If you’re wondering what happened to the bee? I killed it with my Bible.

If you would you like to start your mornings with a “lighthearted devotion” like this one, please check out my new book, Lighten Up and Live! It releases November 1st and you can be the first to get your copy. Place your pre-order at Amazon or Barnes & Noble today.

Sours: https://www.kendavis.com/announcement/90-light-hearted-devotions-to-brighten-your-day/

Devotional Humor and Inspiring Stories Archives

For July 1, 2015 other Archives and Funny Pictures belowHoles in Socks

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The Secret Burden
A much loved-minister of God once carried a secret burden of long- past sin deep in his heart. He had committed the sin many years before, during his Bible school training. No one knew what he had done, but they did know he had repented. Even so, he had suffered years of remorse over the incident without any sense of God’s forgiveness.

A woman in his church deeply loved God and claimed to have visions in which Jesus Christ spoke to her. The minister, skeptical of her claims, asked her, “The next time you speak to the Lord, would you please ask Him what sin your minister committed while he was in Bible school.” The woman kindly agreed.

When she came to the church a few days later the minister asked, “Did He visit you?” She said, “Yes.”

“And did you ask Him what sin I committed?”

“Yes, I asked Him,” she replied

“Well, what did He say?”

“He said, ‘I don’t remember.'”

Time and Money
A man was taking it easy, lying on the grass and looking up at the clouds. He was identifying shapes when he decided to talk to God. “God”, he said, “how long is a million years?”

God answered, “In my frame of reference, it’s about a minute.”

The man asked, “God, how much is a million dollars?”

God answered, “To Me, it’s a penny.”

The man then asked, “God, can I have a penny?”

God said, “In a minute.”

Contacts
A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says, “Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses.”

The woman answers, “Well, I have contacts.”

The policeman replies, “I don’t care who you know! You’re getting a ticket!”
Why is exercise so important?
So that you can die healthier!
Do you have holes in your socks? NO!
Then how do you get your feet in?
Why can’t you play practical jokes on snakes?
You can’t pull their legs!
What do invisible people drink?
Evaporated Milk!
Did you hear about the cemetery that raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living!

ANNIE AND VANIE’S FIRST REAL PRAYER.
Two sisters, one about five years of age, the other next older, were accustomed to go each Saturday morning, some distance from home, to get chips and shavings from a cooper shop.
One morning, with basket well filled, they were returning home; when the elder one was taken suddenly sick with cramps or cholera. She was in great pain, and unable to proceed, much less to bear the basket home. She sat down on the basket, and the younger one held her from falling.
The street was a lonely one, occupied by workshops, factories, etc. Everyone was busy within; not a person was seen on the street.
The little girls were at a loss what to do. Too timid to go into any workshop, they sat a while, as silent and quiet as the distressing pains would allow.
Soon the elder girl said: “You know, Annie, that a good while ago mother told us that if we ever got into trouble, we should pray, and God would help us. Now you help me to get down upon my knees, and hold me up, and we will pray.”
There, on the sidewalk, did these two little children ask God to send some one to help them home.
The simple and brief prayer being ended, the sick girl was again helped up, and sat on the basket, waiting the answer to their prayers. Presently Annie saw, far down the street on the opposite side, a man come out from a factory, look around him, up and down the street, and go back into the factory.
“O sister, he has gone in again, “ said Annie. “Well,” said Vanie, “perhaps he is not the one God is going to send. If he is, he will come back again.
“There he comes again,” said Annie. He walks this way. He seems looking for something. He walks slow, and without his hat. He puts his hand to his head, as if he did not know what to do. O sister, he has gone in again; what shall we do?
“That may not be the one whom God will send to help us,” said Vanie. “If he is, he will come out again.”
“Oh yes, there he is; this time with his hat on, ” said Annie. “He comes this way; he walks slowly, looking around on every side. He does not see us; perhaps the trees hide us. Now he sees us, and is coming quickly. “
A brawny German in broken accents, asks “O children, what is the matter?”
“O sir,” said Annie, “sister here is so sick she cannot walk, and we cannot get home.”
“Where do you live, my dear?”
“At the end of this street; you can see the house from here.”
“Never mind, “ said the man, “I takes you home.”
So the strong man gathered the sick child in his arms, and with her head pillowed upon his shoulder, carried her to the place pointed out by the younger girl. Annie ran round the house to tell her mother that there was a man at the front door wishing to see her. The astonished mother, with a mixture of surprise and joy, took charge of the precious burden, and the child was laid upon a bed.
After thanking the man, she expected him to withdraw, but instead, he stood turning his hat in his hands, as one who wishes to say something, but knows loot how to begin.
The mother, observing this, repeated her thanks, and finally said: “Would you like me to pay you for bringing my child home?”
“O no,” said he with tears, “God pays me! God pays me! I would like to tell you something, but I speak English so poorly that I fear you will not understand.”
The mother assured him that she was used to the German, and could understand him very well.
“I am the proprietor of an ink factory, “ said he. “My men work by the piece. I have to keep separate accounts with each. I pay them every Saturday. At twelve o’clock they will be at my desk, for their money. This week I have had many hindrances, and was behind with my books. I was working hard at them with the sweat on my face, in my great anxiety to be ready in time. Suddenly I could not see the figures; the words in the book all ran together, and I had a plain impression on my mind that some one in the street wished to see me. I went out, looked up and down the street, but seeing no one, went back to my desk, and wrote a little. Presently the darkness was greater than before, and the impression stronger than before, that some one in the street needed me.
“Again I went out, looked up and down the street, walked a little way, puzzled to know what it meant. Was my hard work, and were the cares of business driving me out of my wits? Unable to solve the mystery, I turned again into my shop and to my desk.
“This time my fingers refused to grasp the pen. I found myself unable to write a word, or make a figure; but the impression was stronger than ever on my mind, that some one needed my help). A voice seemed to say: “Why don’t you go out as I tell you? There is need of your help.”
This time I took my hat on going out, resolved to stay till I found out whether I was losing my senses, or there was a duty for me to do. I walked some distance without seeing any one, and was more and more puzzled, till I came opposite the children, and found that there was indeed need of my help. I cannot understand it, madam.”
As the noble German was about leaving the house, the younger girl had the courage to say: “O mother, we prayed.”
Thus the mystery was solved, and with tear-stained cheeks, a heaving breast, and a humble, grateful heart, the kind man went back to his accounts.
I have enjoyed many a happy hour in conversation with Annie in her own house since she has a home of her own.
The last I knew of Annie and Vanie, they were living in the same city, earnest Christian women. Their children were growing up around them, who, I hope, will have like confidence in mother, and faith in God. JEIGH ARRH
Annie was the wife of James A. Clayton, of San Jose, California. I have enjoyed their hospitality, and esteem both very highly.
JAMES ROGERS,
Of Alabama Conference, M. E. Church.

(Collection of my funny pictures below)

For many years I have done a devotional at an assisted living facility in Mocksville. When I first started a friend shared that the residents love it when you give them something to hold onto after you leave. Thus I began writing down the jokes and cute stories I would open the devotion with and printing them for the residents. To say they were a big hit would be an understatement, I became known as  “The man with the Papers”.

Over the years I have collected quite a few and thought that they would be a cool resource for someone who wants to do a devotional somewhere.

So here is my collection in progress, yes they are all plagiarized and taken from other devotional sites, emails and anything else I came across.. The good news is they are edited for devotional use and words changed to not offend if possible…

PLEASE, PLEASE Copy and paste at will and go make someone laugh, cry or just plain Glorify God…. Love, Robby

The links below represent each weeks papers I used… the bottom was the Old, Old Archives a huge file

Dec 17, 2020

Dec 10, 2020

Dec 3, 2020

October 29, 2020

October 15, 2020

October 8, 2020

October 1, 2020

September 24, 2020

September 17, 2020

September 10, 2020

September 3, 2020

June 24, 2020

June 11, 2020

June 4,2020

May 21, 2020

May 14, 2020

May 7, 2020

April 30, 2020

April 23, 2020

April 16, 2020

April 9,2020

April 2, 2020

March 26, 2020

March 5, 2020

February 13, 2020

January 23, 2020

January 9, 2020

Christmas 2019

December 19, 2019

December 5, 2019

Thanksgiving 2019

November 13, 2019

October 31, 2019

October 17, 2019

October 10, 2019

October 3, 2019

September 26, 2019

September 19, 2019

September 12, 2019

September 5, 2019

August 29, 2019

August 22nd, 2019

August 14th 2019

July 18, 2019

July 11, 2019

June 27, 2019

June 20, 2019

June 5, 2019

May 16, 2019

May 2, 2019

April 24, 2019

April 11, 2019

April 4, 2019

March 13th 2019

March 6, 2019

February 28, 2019

February 14, 2019

February 7, 2019

January 31, 2019

January 24th, 2019

January 17, 2019

January 10, 2019

December 27, 2018

December 20, 2018

December 13, 2018

December 6, 2018

November 28, 2018

November 15, 2018

November 8, 2018

October 18, 2018

October 11, 2018

October 3, 2018

September 27th, 2018

September 20, 2018

September 6th, 2018

August 30, 2018

August 9, 2018

August 2, 2018

July 12th, 2018

July 5th, 2018

June 27, 2018

June 21, 2018

Father’s Day 2018

June 7, 2018

May 31, 2018

May 24, 2018

May 18, 2018

Mother’s Day 2018

May, 3 2018

April 18, 2018

Easter 2018

March 22, 2018

March 14, 2018

March 8, 2018

February 28, 2018

February 19, 2018

January 18, 2018

January 10, 2018

January 4, 2018

December 28, 2017

December 21, 2017

December 15, 2017

November 16, 2017

November 2nd 2017

October 25, 2017

October 19th, 2017

October 12th, 2017

October 5th, 2017

September 27, 2017

August 31, 2017

August 17, 2017

August, 9, 2017

August 3, 2017

July 6, 2016

June 29, 2017

June. 22, 2017

June 15, 2017

June 8, 2017

May 25, 2017

Mother’s Day 2017

April 26, 2017

April 19, 2017

March 30, 2017

March 23, 2017

March 16, 2017

March 9, 2017

February 17, 2017

January 26, 2017

January 18, 2017

New Years 2017

December 22, 2016

December 8, 2016

December 1, 2016

November 18, 2016

November 10, 2016

September 29th 2016

September 22nd, 2016

September 15th, 2017

September 10, 2016

September 1, 2016

August 25, 2015

August 18, 2016

August 11, 2016

August 3, 2016

July 28, 2016

July 21, 2016

July 1, 2016

June 24, 2016

June 16th 2016 Father’s Day Funnies

May 26, 2016

May 18th, 2016

May 5, 2016 Mother’s Day Week

April 14, 2016

April 7, 2016

March 31, 2016

March 10, 2016

March 2, 2016

February 19, 2016

February 12, 2016

January 28, 2016

January 22, 2016

January 14, 2016

December 17, 2015

December 3, 2015

November 19, 2015

November 12, 2015

November 6, 2015

October 6, 2015

September 31, 2015

September 16, 2015

September 3, 2015

August 29, 2015

August 13, 2015

August 6, 2015

July 30, 2015

July 15, 2015

July 8, 2015

July 1, 2015

June 24, 2015

June 18, 2015

June 11, 2015

June 4, 2015

May 29,2015

May 22, 2015

May 5, 2015

April 23, 2015

April 16, 2015

April 9, 2015

March 24, 2015

March 12, 2015

February 19,2015

February 12, 2015

January 29, 2015

January 22, 2015

January 12, 2015

December 19, 2014

December 12, 2014

December 5, 2014

November 19,2014

November 13, 2014

November 4, 2014

October 30, 2014

October 22, 2014

October 10, 2014

October 4, 2014

September 17, 2014

September 9, 2014

September 2, 2014

August 28, 2014

August 21,2014

August 14, 2014

August 7, 2014

July 31,2014

July 24, 2014

July 17, 2014

July 2, 2014

June 27, 2014

June 19, 2014

June 12, 2014

Robby’s Hobbies prior to June 2014…A huge page with all those years

new-years-2017

orginal-christmas-present

hermans-hermits-walker

Nerdvana

7 Wonders of the world

Gorilla

Snow White Judge

Four Chin Teller

Henry III

Zero

Game Plan(1)

Life Alert

North Polish

Humpty

Vegy(1)

Camel Lot(1)

Bi Son

Dachshund

Build a Dam

A Croc

Anti Gravity

Keeper's Brother

Concentrate(1)

Keeper

Two Feet of Snow

Holes in Socks

scare crow(1)

Devotions June 17

Seal of Approval

Three Little Pigs

Cold Shoulder

Brazilian

Toy Yota

Fowling+OutSir Render

Gummy Bear

Minnie Van

tinsel-kitty

Husky

Rock it

Juggular

WordsDuck filled Fatty PussNun-chucksbrokerJesterSenoir Short CodeMOSESJesus Flightrtgh set 2No-BellMount Rushmore

Pewey

Witch

Noah

Juggular

Related

 

Tags:#christianhumor, #churchbulletinjokes, #cleanjokes, #devotionalhumor, Christian Humor, Church Bulletin Jokes, Clean Jokes, God Stories

 

 

Sours: http://kingdompursuits.com/devotional-humor-and-inspiring-stories-archives-2/
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Humorous devotions for senior citizens

June 15, I love fishing but sadly, I haven't been able to do it in quite some time. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. I have enjoyed many a happy hour in conversation with Annie in her own house since she has a home of her own. Older posts. September 20, Open the wing and air would hit the glass and fly into the car. I'm looking for my wife, too. And yes, as you say, to keep or regain the childlike qualities we once had, such as curiosity and a sense of wonder, openness and excitement about life. He gave a whistle and his little dog came running from the house, herded the cattle into the corral, then latched the gate with her paw. You think humor must be good for your body, exercise and diets haven't worked well. One day, a man was walking across a bridge and saw another man standing on the edge, about to jump off. She had caught a man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables.

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    Sours: http://wduay.linkpc.net/weh.html

    "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine... (Proverbs 17:22)."


    "On Senior Citizens--BY a Senior Citizen!"
    Senior citizens are constantly being criticized for every conceivable deficiency of the modern world, real or imaginary. We know we take responsibility for all we have done and do not blame others. BUT, upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT the senior citizens who took:

    The melody out of music,
    The pride out of appearance,
    The romance out of love,
    The commitment out of marriage,
    The responsibility out of parenthood,
    The togetherness out of the family,
    The learning out of education,
    The service out of patriotism,
    The religion out of school,
    The Golden Rule from rulers,
    The nativity scene out of cities,
    The civility out of behavior,
    The refinement out of language,
    The dedication out of employment,
    The prudence out of spending, or
    The ambition out of achievement,

    And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated patience and tolerance from personal relationships and interactions with others!

    Does anyone under the age of 50 know the lyrics to the Star Spangled Banner? Just look at the seniors with tears in their eyes and pride in their hearts as they stand at attention with their hand over their hearts!

    Remember...Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened!

    Yes, I am a SENIOR CITIZEN! I'm the life of the party...even if it lasts until 8 p.m.

    I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.

    I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.

    I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.

    I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying.

    I'm very good at telling stories; over and over and over and over.

    I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as cute as mine.

    I'm so cared for -- long-term care, eye care, private care, and dental care.

    I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, politicians.

    I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place.

    I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg.

    I'm having trouble remembering simple words like...

    I'm realizing that aging is not for wimps.

    I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days.

    I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?

    I'm a walking storeroom of facts...I've just lost the storeroom.

    Yes, I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life!

    Now if I could only remember who sent this to me, I would send it to many more!

    Did I already send this to you?

    --Email found circulating the Web.

    * * * * * * *

    Thanks for the cybersalt award, Pastor Tim . . . . . . Visit Pastor Tim's great CleanLaugh site!
    * * * * * * *




    "50 Tips on How to Enjoy Life!"

    1.Say something positive as early as possible.

    2.Believe in miracles but don't depend on them.

    3.Never allow anyone to intimidate.

    4.Dont work for recognition but do work worthy of recognition.

    5.Remember the credo of walt disney: think.believe.dream.dare.

    6.Never comment on someone's weight unless you know it's what they want to hear.

    7.Seek respect rather popularity.

    8.Seek quality rather than luxury.

    9.Start a "read again" file for articles you might want to enjoy a second time.

    10.Look for opportunity that's hidden in every adversity.

    11.Remember that when your mom says "you'll regret it" you probably will.

    12.On your birthday send your mom a thank you card.

    13.Never let the odds stop you from pursuing what you know in your heart you were meant to do.

    14.Be happy with what you have while working on what you want.

    15.Celebrate even small victories.

    16.Dont forget that a couple of words of praise or encouragement can make someone's day.

    17.Whenever you hear an ambulance siren say a prayer for the person inside 18.When in doubt smile.

    19.Ff it's not a beautiful morning let your cheerfulness make it beautiful.

    20.Marry someone your equal or a little bit better.

    21.Remember that a minute of anger denies you 60 seconds of happiness.

    22.Never give up on a dream just because of the length of time it will take to accomplish it.

    23.Dont write something you don't want others to read.

    24.When taking a true-false test, remember that any statement that includes the word any, all, always, never or ever is usually false.

    25.Never tell anybody they can't sing.

    26.Become the world's most thoughtful friend.

    27.Remeber that anything worth doing is going to take longer that you think.

    28.Remember that bad luck as well as good luck seldom lasts long.

    29.Root for your team to win not for the other team to lose.

    30.Accept triumph and defeat with equal grace.

    31.Learn your great-grandparent's name and what they did.

    32.Savor everyday.

    33.Share the remote control.

    34.Remember it's not your job to get people to like you, it's your job to like people.

    35.Never miss a chance to shake hands with Santa

    36.Remember that the only dumb question is the one you wanted to ask but did not 37.Spend time with lucky people.

    38.Stand up for your right principles even if you have to stand alone.

    39.Remember that everyone has bad days.

    40.Marry someone who loves music.

    41.If you know you are going to lose, do it with style.

    42.Remember that not all right are popular and not all popular are right.

    43.Work diligently.

    44.Live simply.

    45.Think quickly.

    46.Fight fairly.

    47.Give generously.

    48.Laugh loudly.

    49.Pray faithfully.

    50.Love deeply.

    --Author unknown. Found circulating in E-mail around the Web.



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    Peggie is on Twitter and currently unable to add a profile photo to the most current twitter page - Peggie's "Twitter" account - it appears as a "eggshell" and is not spam. As soon as I can get it working, there will be a photo. The current page is not spam, I assure you. My web site is found at Peggie's Place!.

    Should you have source information (original or other) for any other site as well - quote, other photo, duplicate profiles, graphic or article and/or not properly used, or duplicated photos or profiles not permissible, https://twitter.com/Pegleg1940 or other sites, credited, resized, improperly, unpermissioned or inadvertently used as a profile photo, undesirable, etc., "unknown," or from which I should obtain permission, or should linking be inappropriate/non-permissible/inaccurate, or a misunderstanding/error of any and all issues including Tickles 'n Truth articles and graphics, please notify me so I may appropriately resolve the issue.

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    Official and professional wedding photography of Maureen and Jason Bohanon shown on this site was taken by Meg White Photography, Springfield, MO.

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    I am not perfect, have you guessed!! I am a senior having fun and frustration, attempting to tentatively fit into a very, very technical world. Please forgive any and all "infractions," intrusions, inaccuracies of the law; anything I have missed or forgotten, any technical difficulty, any omission of a home or fashion "party," including about 30-years-ago home parties (w/free mdse "gifts" for certain requirements) of which I have no dates, amounts/ and no tax if not requested by party manager), etc., and if so, write [email protected] to let me know and inform me how to correct it properly in accordance with the law. I regret and am sorry for any and all errors on the web and otherwise as mentioned or omitted above, including any home/household "infractions" and verbal wrongs. As well, if I owe any amounts of money for services or items, I am sorry; please bill me at the same address. This includes my personal mobile phone as well as laptop computer.

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    ete any reference on a business card or online, etc. for this phrase. It is not original with me and I regret the error.)

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    Sours: http://www.peggiesplace.com/tnt196.htm

    Seniors humorous devotions

    Christy felt that waves of this wild pleasure were transmitted to her pussy, and at the moment when the orgasm of. Monstrous power seemed to break Diiana's body, hysterically writhing on the bed, Christina fell on the floor on her ass, and, spreading her legs as wide as possible, violently drove into myself a slippery dick. She finished long and powerfully, a trickle of clear liquid escaped in three portions from the contracting vagina and she lay flat on the floor without strength.

    Having. Regained consciousness, she climbed onto the bed, to Diana, who was lying unconscious, a dildo smeared with virgin blood was still sticking out in her vagina, a vibrator was buzzing in her ass.

    Old Age Is Worse Than You Imagine - Dry Bar Comedy

    Come on, I suppose, and did not finish with this sucking. He looked at her intimately. - I haven't finished, I see. You need to think about whom to give, you bum. His hand fell on her knee, shifting the open floor of the robe, and crawled higher and higher.

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    For another ten minutes I fucked her in this position, after which Marina asked me to roll over. Onto my back. I fulfilled her wish, and she sat on top of me. She herself sent my penis into her bosom and began to fidget back and forth on me.



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