Never tolerate disrespect

Never tolerate disrespect DEFAULT

We tolerate bad habits and unhealthy behaviors way too long for a variety of reasons. What's yours? What do you allow that depletes your joy? What excuses do you make? And how do you let yourself off the hook and postpone creating a better life? Many times tolerations and compromises are even in our most cherished relationships. Disrespect. Sharp words. Busy schedules that don't cultivate love. Broken promises that erode trust. Why do we make suffering our bed partner?

Years ago, I overheard my mom tell someone in an unhappy marriage, "You've made your bed, and now you have to sleep in it." It never made sense to me. This saying conveyed a message that no one gets to choose anew or learn from their mistakes. This phrase indicates that we are powerless to recreate a different outcome, and therefore we should just get used to settling. Tolerating is the acceptance that life or our relationships can't grow. Yet, we are not victims. We create the quality of our lives and relationships—one thought, one feeling, and one action at a time.

Couple fighting and not speaking to one another

Relationship Advice: Don't Tolerate Unhappiness— Make Loving Behavior a Habit

Feeling stuck or putting up with a bad habit or behavior, especially in relationships, helps no one and holds our love hostage.

A tiny example of a toleration of mine years ago occurred while visiting a hot springs with a friend. As we talked, an annoying spurt of hot water from the fountain kept hitting me in the face, like an oscillating sprinkler whipping the side of a house. After five minutes, I finally moved out of range to avoid the squirt. My girlfriend remarked, “I wondered how long you were going to tolerate that slap of water in your face.”

Why did I wait so long to be more comfortable? We use all kinds of justifications when we tolerate something: “I'm busy." “It's no big deal.” "Just push through." "They didn't mean it." Yes, my discomfort was minor, but represents how we give into the lower road in love and marriage, too. By ignoring what was happening, I was submitting to my conditioning—doing what was familiar (suffering) and not paying attention to the present moment to make a different decision. The psychological term is Operant Conditioning first introduced by B.F. Skinner. Conditioning dulls our senses through familiarity and previous stimulus and choices made to avoid unpleasant experiences. Conditioning is one of the biggest reasons for tolerating another person's unkind words, disrespectful behavior, or an unhealthy habit that we know isn't good for us.

Related Reading: "The Virtue of Intolerance"

Lovely black couple hugging

The Power of Conditioning to Weaken or Strengthen Marriages

One thing I find so fascinating about our brain is that whatever becomes routine is delegated to the unconscious mind for speed and efficiency. So if we’re not consciously choosing, the unconscious takes over. The efficiency of the brain is an essential insight when it comes to keeping our relationship happy. It takes conscious awareness to be present to our partner, to change bad habits. And when we raise our awareness and heighten appreciation of our partner daily making it habitual, we reignite honeymoon feelings, yet they grow at a deeper, more mature level.

Unconscious habits can work for us—or against us. If you develop healthy relationship habits, like creating regular and quality time together as a couple, the bonding strengthens your relationship. If you allow distance and strife to grow between you, it will become a habit that works against you. If you do small random acts of kindness for your partner, it will show your love; if you take for granted the love between you, the distance will increase. 

Changes—big and small—are forged by making smart choices. One key I’ve found to be helpful is to focus on a small action first, make it a habit, then another. If we do one thing regularly that increases connection in our relationship (an enthusiastic welcome, an unexpected gift, a compassionate word when our partner lashes out), it becomes a habit and gets easier. Find those small actions that become glue to the relationship and make them habits!

We can choose to yell at our partner or bite our tongue and be quiet until we calm down. We can choose to snap at our partner or be patient. Every moment and each day is an opportunity to invest in our love and connection.

Make loving behavior a habit!

Related reading:
If You Want a Successful Marriage, Increase Self-Mastery

"Love Is a Choice—the Best Marriage Advice!"

For support in your relationship or skills for a healthy and happy marriage, contact [email protected] And for more tips, sign up for our HeartMail newsletter.

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Love Quotes?

We hope these encouraging and inspiring don’t tolerate disrespect quotes and sayings make you mentally more assertive and independent.

First and foremost, never tolerate disrespect under any circumstances.

You have to clarify that your personality doesn’t put up with disrespect, even if it means casually.

It is believed that individuals who don’t respect themselves tend to be disrespectful towards others in relationships.

How to deal with toxic people?

Live life in such a way that no mental space is ever given to others to demean you or take you for granted.

Since we are looking through the eyes of others and desperate for social validation and appreciation from the other, they get the opportunity to determine who we are psychological.

Firstly have the urge to understand who I am and do not believe what others say about you. Relentlessly question everything. That is how one starts to have their own eyes, and authentic living happens.

Being said that, morons are found everywhere, sometimes inside ourselves too, and one has to be tough and know-how deal with them in different situations.

Depending on the situation, either give a befitting reply to the abuser or ignore it to keep your mental peace intact. Let it arise from your own keen observation and inner clarity.

Best Disrespect Quotes and Sayings

Also Read: 30 Top Backbone Quotes and Sayings on Strength, Relationship

Only the contemptible fear contempt.
– Francois de la Rochefoucauld

Contempt mates well with pity.
– Gloria Naylor

Contempt is the only way to triumph over calumny.
– Madame De Maintenon

Our contempt for others proves nothing but the illiberality and narrowness of our own views.
– William Hazlitt

No matter what the reason, if you start to scream and shout, you look a fool, and you feel a fool, and you earn the disrespect of everyone.
– Michael Caine

Also Read: 65 Best Equality and Diversity Quotes and Sayings

Ignoring a child’s disrespect is the surest guarantee that it will continue.
– Fred G. Gosman

If they disrespect you to your face imagine what they’re doing behind your back.
– Sonya Parker

The only cure for contempt is counter-contempt.
– H. L. Mencken

Contempt for happiness is usually contempt for other people’s happiness, and is an elegant disguise for hatred of the human race.
– Bertrand Russell

Contempt is the weapon of the weak and a defense against one’s own despised and unwanted feelings.
– Alice Miller

Also Read: 30 Sarcastic Complainers and Whiners Quotes and Sayings

Disrespect cannot be commanded, it must be earned.
– Matthew Taberner

Never make excuses for someone who disrespects you-who they are or what they do isn’t a pass to treat you like trash!
– Trent Shelton

You don’t have permission to disrespect yourself.
– Martin De Maat

You don’t have to disrespect and insult others simply to hold your own ground. If you do, that shows how shaky your own position is.
– Red Haircrow

Of all afflictions, the worst is self-contempt.
– Berthold Auerbach

Also Read: 30 Best Zero Quotes, Sayings and Images on Self Worth

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.
– Bill Watterson

Impudence is the worst of all human diseases.
– Euripides

The way to avoid the imputation of impudence is not to be ashamed of what we do, but never to do what we aught to be ashamed of.
– Tully

There is nothing more imprudent than excessive prudence.
– Charles Caleb Colton

I completely scorn the falsifying, the sanctimonious, the cheap and the shoddy.
– Ralph Thomas Walker

Also Read: 30 Best Sarcastic Quotes About Annoying People in Your Life

There is no respect for others without humility in one’s self.
– Henri Frederic Amiel

If we have no respect for our viewers, then how can we have any respect for ourselves and what we do?
– Christiane Amanpour

When people don’t respect one another seldom is there honesty.
– Shannon L. Alder

An excess of courtesy is discourtesy.
– Japanese Proverb

Discourtesy does not spring merely from one bad quality, but from several–from foolish vanity, from ignorance of what is due to others, from indolence, from stupidity, from distraction of thought, from contempt of others, from jealousy.
– Jean De La Bruyere

Also Read: 45 Sad and Almost Breaking Up Quotes and Sayings

There cannot be greater rudeness than to interrupt another in the current of his discourse.
– John Locke

Rudeness is the weak man’s imitation of strength.
– Eric Hoffer

Straightforwardness, without the rules of propriety, becomes rudeness.
– Confucius

A true and genuine impudence is ever the effect of ignorance, without the least sense of it.
– Richard Steele

The way to avoid the imputation of impudence is not to be ashamed of what we do, but never to do what we ought to be ashamed of.
– Cicero

Also Read: 35 Inspiring Deal with the Devil Quotes to Fight Darkness

Surfeit begets insolence, when prosperity comes to a bad man.
– Theognis Of Megara

Incivility is the extreme of pride; it is built on the contempt of mankind.
– John Zimmerman

If the disagreement was strong enough, we could end up pretty close to the borderline of incivility.
– David Rockefeller

The insolence of wealth will creep out.
– Samuel Johnson

Only once in my life was I on the edge of incivility. I do not like to be unkind.
– David Rockefeller

Also Read: 50 Most Famous Anger Quotes on Love, Life, and Relationship

The insolence of time is like a blow in the face from an unseen enemy.
– Margaret Deland

The insolence of the vulgar is in proportion to their ignorance. They treat everything with contempt which they do not understand.
– William Hazlitt

There is an insolence which none but those who themselves deserve contempt can bestow, and those only who deserve no contempt can bear.
– Henry Fielding

Mistaking insolence for freedom has always been the hallmark of the slave.
– Wilhelm Reich

The insolence of authority is endeavoring to substitute money for ideas.
– Frank Lloyd Wright

Also Read: 30 Best So Disillusioned Quotes and Sayings about Life

There is no excuse for bad manners, except fast reflexes.
– Steven Brust

There is no nobility with bad manners.
– Ali Ibn Abi Talib

If you can’t ignore an insult, top it; if you can’t top it, laugh it off; and if you can’t laugh it off, it’s probably deserved.
– Russell Lynes

Where there is no respect for life, there you will find evil.
– O.R. Melling

Never insult anyone by accident.
– Robert A. Heinlein

Also Read: 50 Positive Anxiety Quotes to Overcome and Deal with Anxiety

The insolence of time is like a blow in the face from an unseen enemy.
– Margaret Deland

The insolence of the vulgar is in proportion to their ignorance. They treat everything with contempt which they do not understand.
– William Hazlitt

There is an insolence which none but those who themselves deserve contempt can bestow, and those only who deserve no contempt can bear.
– Henry Fielding

Mistaking insolence for freedom has always been the hallmark of the slave.
– Wilhelm Reich

The insolence of authority is endeavoring to substitute money for ideas.
– Frank Lloyd Wright

Also Read: 30 Best Addiction Quotes and Sayings for Self Healing

We hope you enjoy reading our highly motivating tired of disrespect quotes collection.

Share it with your loved ones and in social circles. What do you do when someone disrespects you?

Let us know in the comments!

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Never tolerate disrespect. The more chances you give someone the less respect they'll start to have for you. They'll begin to ignore the standards that you've set because they'll know another chance will always be given. They're not afraid to lose you because they know no matter what you won't walk away. They get comfortable with depending on your forgiveness. Never let a person get comfortable disrespecting you.

Never tolerate disrespect. The more chances you give someone the less respect they’ll start to have for you. They’ll begin to ignore the standards that you’ve set because they’ll know another chance will always be given. They’re not afraid to lose you because they know no matter what you won’t walk away. They get comfortable with depending on your forgiveness. Never let a person get comfortable disrespecting you.


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18 Things You Should Never Tolerate In A Relationship

You’ve probably heard the saying “love is blind.” And it can be true — sometimes romance makes it hard to see the signs that you’re in a bad relationship. Of course, no couple is perfect, but understanding which behaviors are major red flags can help you find a fulfilling partnership, whether or not that’s with your current S.O.

These deal-breaking behaviors can range from not being prioritized by your partner to intimate partner violence (also known as IPV), which can manifest as physical, emotional, psychological, and/or sexual abuse. In fact, about one in four women has experienced some form of IPV, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). And when it comes to abusive relationships, it’s important to seek help as safely as possible, says sexologist Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D. “If there’s anyone you can reach out to, let them know you want support. You are not a burden,” she tells Bustle. “If you can, ask specifically for what you need. Is it money? Do you need a place to stay? Do you need to know that they have your back? Do need them to keep their phone on and be on standby?”

Beyond IPV, there’s still plenty of relationship problems that you shouldn’t tolerate. Below, experts explain 18 things you shouldn’t put up with in your partnership.

1. Your Partner Exhibits Controlling Behavior

Perhaps your partner tries to control what you do and when you do it. Or maybe they expect you to fall in line with their values, no questions asked. There are many ways your partner can be controlling, and these behaviors are not OK, says O’Reilly. “They want you to feel what they feel when they are experiencing something — they expect you to experience the same reaction,” she tells Bustle. “That person could be harmful or toxic to your lifestyle or safety.”

Of course, you and your partner’s lives, plans, and needs will intertwine to some extent. For example, if you and your S.O. share a child and they ask you to check in regularly for co-parenting purposes, that’s reasonable, says O’Reilly. But if they always need to know where you are and who you’re with for no apparent reason, that’s a red flag.

2. Your Partner Gaslights You

Gaslight is a 1944 mystery movie starring Ingrid Bergman as a newlywed. In the film, Bergman's husband is looking for hidden treasure in their house with the help of the attic’s gaslights, which causes every other light in the house to dim. When Bergman’s character addresses the issue, her husband insists she’s imagining things. From this film, the term “gaslighter” was born to describe a partner who tries to convince you that you are wrong or crazy.

Gaslighting is a common trait in controlling partners, says licensed counselor Nawal Alomari, LCPC. Your partner may try to convince you that your concerns are “crazy” or unfounded, or they might respond to your hurt feelings with, “It was just a joke,” or, “Lighten up.”

“When you feel something, they try and make you feel as though something’s wrong with you for feeling it,” O’Reilly says. “You’ve told them that [something] doesn’t feel good for you, and they’ve dismissed your remarks.” And although the self-doubt that gaslighting sows can be difficult to overcome, this behavior is toxic and reason enough to leave your relationship.

3. Your Partner Abuses You Emotionally Or Verbally

Controlling behavior can sometimes transition into an abusive relationship, which O’Reilly says can take the form of emotional or verbal abuse. Your partner may disparage you, make fun of you around other people, or gaslight you when you try to express how they make you feel. All of these behaviors are unacceptable, says O’Reilly. If your partner is treating you this way, she recommends speaking with a therapist or counselor to help you cope with the abuse and safely exit the relationship.

4. Your Partner Abuses You Physically

Another form of IPV is physical abuse, which O’Reilly says is absolutely grounds to leave your relationship. If your partner resorts to violence or hurts you in any way, she says to connect with a trusted loved one or professional to help you safely remove yourself from the situation and end the relationship.

5. Your Partner Makes You Feel Horrible When You Don’t Want To Have Sex

Marital rape, or the raping of one’s spouse, wasn’t illegal in every US state until 1993. The majority of state criminal codes contained a “marital rape exemption,” essentially declaring rape between spouses to be impossible. As RAINN explains, these laws represented the ideology “that only stranger rape constituted ‘real rape’ or that forced sex is a ‘wifely duty.’” Although the crime is now recognized by law books, like other forms of sexual assault, it still occurs, is often not reported, and rapists are often not convicted. Our culture already makes it difficult for survivors to recognize and report rape, so it becomes even more difficult to understand your romantic partner as a rapist.

That’s why it’s important to recognize that partner or marital rape can happen in otherwise non-violent relationships, and to remember that consenting to a sexual act once does not mean consenting to that act for all time. If your partner pressures you to engage in unwanted sexual activities because it is your “duty” or because you “owe” them, the relationship is abusive, unhealthy, and unsafe. Refer to these hotlines and resources about partner rape for more help.

6. You Don’t Feel Good About Yourself Around Your Partner

Your partner should bring out the best in you, says O’Reilly, so if you feel like the worst version of yourself around them, that’s a sign something’s not right. If your partner says or does things that make you feel like you shouldn’t be proud of yourself or confident in who you are, then they aren’t treating you with the respect you deserve, she explains.

A good litmus test: If your friends and family express concern over your partner’s behavior, then this likely isn’t the relationship for you, says O’Reilly.

7. Your Partner Isolates You

If your partner tries to control who you spend time with, that’s a red flag, says O’Reilly. Independence is a crucial part of any healthy relationship, so attempting to isolate you from your loved ones and hobbies is a sign that your partner is trying to assert their dominance at the expense of your happiness, personal relationships, and self-care, adds Alomari.

There are many explanations for why they behave this way, and all of them are bad. Your partner may know that your friends dislike the relationship for good reasons, and thus attempt to keep you away from people who will point out serious flaws and concerns. Or they may be insecure or jealous of your interactions with other people. But your personal relationships and lifestyle matter, so any partner who tries to take that away is not the one for you, says Alomari.

8. Your Partner Makes You Change

Isolating you from friends isn’t the only red flag when it comes to controlling behavior, says Alomari. If your partner forces you to abandon your hobbies, certain personality traits, or other important aspects of your life, that’s also unacceptable. “If they make you feel like you have to give up the things that make you you, that’s a no,” she tells Bustle. “Someone who loves you for real will support your relationships and hobbies, and they will push you to feed that part of yourself because they want to see you happy.”

9. You Have Physical Reactions To Your Partner’s Behavior

Ever notice that you tense up when your partner is around? That’s another sign that the way they treat you puts you on edge, which O’Reilly says is no basis for a relationship. “The body responds to distress very instinctively,” she tells Bustle. “Check in with your body to see if it’s conscious of when they walk into the room.” If your body is indeed responding to your S.O. with stress, that’s a sign their behavior doesn’t make you feel at ease, which is grounds for a conversation or split.

10. Your Partner Invalidates Your Experiences

Like gaslighting, you should not tolerate a partner that tries to convince you that important parts of your history or lived experiences are insignificant or untrue. One example: If a woman expresses anger about the catcalling she frequently faces on the way to work, and her male partner brushes it off as “not a big deal,” telling her to “consider it a compliment,” that’s not OK. Similarly, O’Reilly says a partner who berates you for being too uptight or not open enough is not treating you appropriately.

It’s possible to educate your partner about issues that their race or gender may allow them to avoid, and it’s possible for them to learn to understand your experiences. However, if there’s no communication, you can rightfully become frustrated and irritated when they minimize your experiences.

11. Your Partner Judges You

Feeling judged by your partner is another sure sign that they’re not giving you the respect and kindness required in a relationship, says O’Reilly. While a loving partner can gently and respectfully help you be the best version of yourself and vice versa, a partner who is constantly telling you what’s wrong with you is a no-go, she says. They may regularly berate aspects of your personality or body shame you — both of which are cruel, immature, and manipulative ways to exert control in a relationship.

12. Your Partner Ignores Your Sexual Needs And Boundaries

If your partner makes you feel bad about your sexual preferences, ignores your sexual needs, or pressures you to partake in sexual activity without your willing and renewed consent, that’s not OK, says O’Reilly. While having different preferences and libido from your partner is normal, overstepping your sexual boundaries or ignoring your needs is not. “Sexual compatibility is not a matter of sameness, but a matter of effort,” she told Bustle in a previous interview. “If one or both of you seems unwilling to try to cultivate compatibility, it may be time to reconsider your commitment to the relationship.”

13. Your Partner Doesn’t Respect Your Boundaries

Does your partner joke about traumatic things that aren’t funny? Do they talk about their exes in a way that makes you uneasy? Or share your private information with others despite your protest? These are just a few ways that someone can overstep your boundaries, and a sign that your partner isn’t respecting your criteria for emotional wellbeing, says O’Reilly.

14. Your Partner Doesn’t Publicly Acknowledge Your Relationship

If you and your partner have mutually decided to enter a committed relationship, then it shouldn't be a secret (unless, of course, there are reasons you two have consensually chosen to keep it under wraps). If you’re spending time on this relationship, then you deserve recognition. Does your partner consider you a placeholder and doesn’t want to appear tied down in case someone else comes along? Are they lying about monogamy to multiple partners and have to keep it secret? Are they embarrassed by the relationship?

No matter the reason, you should be with someone who respects you and is proud of you. Clinical psychologist Dr. Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., says to talk with your partner to get to the bottom of this dynamic. “The real test here is how well do the two of you communicate about these issues,” he told Bustle in a previous interview. “It may be a great chance to understand more how they feel about you and address some miscommunications. You may not like the answer, but you will know where you stand.”

15. Your Partner Always Accuses You Of Cheating

If your partner constantly accuses you of cheating — despite the fact that you haven’t and there is no cause for suspicion — then something is wrong. If certain aspects of your relationships with the people around you make your partner uncomfortable, then you should absolutely listen to their concerns and evaluate how your behavior may be hurtful. But if your partner is acting on insecurity alone and attempts to shame you or isolate you from others as a result, that’s a dealbreaker.

This paranoia can happen for all sorts of reasons, from trust issues to having cheated themselves, and it’s important to get to the bottom of it in order to move forward. “Projection is a very low-level coping skill,” said Dr. Paul DePompo, Psy.D., ABPP, a clinical psychologist and author of The Other Woman's Affair, in a previous interview. “People that do things themselves like cheat, think about cheating, or have cheated in the past, project these thoughts of desire onto their partners. Their mind ends up creating a reality that their partner is cheating as well.”

16. A Partner Talking Over You And Interrupting

Communication is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship. So if your partner frequently talks over you, interrupts you, or corrects you — even if it’s not malicious — you need to point it out to them to nip it in the bud. “We’ve all heard when someone says something wrong, but constantly correcting your partner can become annoying and belittling,” said matchmaking and dating expert Stef Safran in a previous interview.

17. Your Partner Slut-Shames You

Does your current partner get angry about your sexual history or number of past sexual partners? Do they call you a “slut” or “whore” if your outfit shows “too much skin”? Slut-shaming is your partner’s way of asserting control over your body, and it can be damaging, according to Dr. Nikki Goldstein, Ph.D., sexologist and author of Single But Dating.

“It impacts women because they might be acting on their own sexual desires or exploring their sense of self and are told by using that word that they are bad for doing so," she said in a previous interview. "They are experiencing something possibly positive and beautiful and then made to feel guilty for it. It can be very damaging to women and also very conflicting.”

18. Your Partner Belittles Your Career Aspirations

It’s impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone who doesn’t want to see you succeed. It’s one thing for your partner to provide constructive criticism or to express frustration if your career has you ignoring the relationship, says Alomari. But if they insult your work ethic, mock your achievements, or even convince you to turn down opportunities, then you need to either confront the issue or walk away from the relationship.


Nawal Alomari, LCPC, a licensed clinical professional counselor and life coach based in Chicago

Dr. Paul DePompo, Psy.D., ABPP, a clinical psychologist and author of The Other Woman's Affair

Dr. Nikki Goldstein, Ph.D., sexologist and author of Single But Dating

Dr. Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., and clinical psychologist

Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., sexologist and ambassador for sexual wellness and sex toy brands We-Vibe, Womanizer, and Arcwave

Stef Safran, matchmaking and dating expert

This article was originally published on June 23, 2015

This article was originally published on


Disrespect never tolerate

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