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134 Corny Jokes to Tell to Kids You Love

Kids love to laugh, and jokes are a great tool in any parent’s arsenal, especially during stressful times. Nothing lightens the mood like the ridiculousness of a corny joke, and having a vast reservoir of corny or cheesy jokes for kids can help defuse tension during long days cooped up at home, moments of frustration with school, or conflict between siblings.

With older kids, it’s always a toss-up whether corny jokes will elicit a laugh or an eye-roll, and what works one day might be deemed uncool the next. But these corny jokes don’t have expiration dates, so you can bust them out for years to come. From animal jokes to food jokes, math jokes, and Star Wars jokes, this list has something for everyone. (Everyone who likes corny jokes, that is.) And though these corny jokes might annoy your spouse (and any other adult humans in the vicinity) they’ll definitely make any kid laugh. Whatever works, right?

The Best Animal Dad Jokes

  1. Why did the jaguar eat the tightrope walker?
    It was craving a well-balanced meal.
  2. What is a knights favorite fish?
    A swordfish.
  3. What do you call a sleeping bull?
    A bulldozer.
  4. Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
    If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
  5. Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure?
    He’s a little shellfish.
  6. What do you call a fish without eyes?
    A fsh.
  7. What do you call a pig that does karate?
    A pork chop.
  8. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
    An in-vest-igator.
  9. What do you get when you cross a lemon and a cat?
    A sour puss.
  10. What did the snail say when it was riding on the turtle’s back?
    Wheeee!
  11. Why don’t big cats play poker in the safari?
    Too many cheetahs.
  12. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
    Because they are really good at it.
  13. Why couldn’t the pony sing himself a lullaby?
    He was a little hoarse.
  14. What do you call a duck that gets all A’s?
    A wise quacker.
  15. How do you catch a whole school of fish?
    With bookworms.
  16. What did the horse say after it tripped?
    “Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”
  17. How do you keep a bull from charging?
    Take away its credit card.
  18. What do you call an illegally parked frog?
    Toad.
  19. How did the black cats end their fight?
    They hissed and made up.
  20. Why can’t you play hockey with pigs?
    They always hog the puck.
  21. What do you call a snake wearing a hard hat?
    A boa constructor.
  22. What did one horse say to the other at the dance?
    You mustang-o with me.
  23. What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school?
    Bison.
  24. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
    Because the “P” is silent.
  25. Why are frogs happy?
    They eat whatever bugs them!
  26. What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?
    A walkie talkie.
  27. What kind of footwear do frogs prefer?
    Open-toed.
  28. What chain can you eat?
    A food chain.

The Best Food Dad Jokes

  1. What do you call a shoe made out of banana peels?
    Slippers
  2. Why do melons have weddings?
    Because they cantaloupe.
  3. Why did the baby strawberry cry?
    His parents were in a jam.
  4. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
    Because she was stuffed?
  5. Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
    The bartender said, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”
  6. After dinner, my wife asked if I could clear the table.
    I needed a running start, but I made it!
  7. I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage.
    The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity!
  8. 50.How do you make a lemon drop?
    Just let it fall.
  9. Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory?
    Lack of concentration.
  10. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
    A carrot.
  11. How many apples grow on trees?
    All of them!
  12. Why did the cookie cry?
    Because his father was a wafer so long!
  13. “Would you like the milk in a bag, sir?” The cashier asked.
    “No, just leave it in the carton!”
  14. What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses?
    A coconut on vacation.
  15. A sandwich walks into a bar.
    Barman says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food in here.”
  16. What does a nosey pepper do?
    It gets jalapeno business!
  17. Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
    Because they might peel!
  18. What did Obi-Wan say to Luke when he was having trouble eating at a Chinese restaurant?
    “Use the fork, Luke.”
  19. When should you go at red and stop at green?
    When eating a watermelon.
  20. How do you make an egg laugh?
    Crack it up.
  21. What do you call a toothless bear?
    A gummy bear.
  22. What do you call counterfeit spaghetti?
    Impasta.
  23. How do you turn soup into jewelry?
    Add 24 carrots.

The Best Sports Dad Jokes

  1. What do skateboards and magicians have in common?
    They both do tricks.
  2. Why did the man get hit by a bike every day?
    He was stuck in a vicious cycle.
  3. If athlete’s get athletes foot what do elves get?
    Mistletoes
  4. Why did the bike fall over?
    It was two tired.
  5. Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants?
    In case he got a hole in one.
  6. What lights up a soccer stadium?
    A soccer match.
  7. Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?
    She kept running away from the ball!
  8. What lights up a soccer stadium?
    A soccer match!
  9. What animal is always at a baseball game?
    A bat.
  10. How do cyclists train for their sport?
    Recycling.

The Best Location Dad Jokes

  1. What did the ocean say to the shore?
    Nothing it just waved.
  2. Why are there gates surrounding cemeteries?
    Because people are dying to get in.
  3. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
    It’s fine now, she woke up.
  4. What has ears but can’t hear?
    A cornfield!
  5. Why does Waldo wear stripes?
    Because he doesn’t want to be spotted.
  6. Did you see they made round bails of hay illegal in Wisconsin?
    It’s because the cows weren’t getting a square meal.
  7. What does a house put on to work?
    A dress.
  8. What did the ocean say when it was asked on a date?
    Shore.
  9. How do you pass a message to a fish?
    Drop it a line.
  10. Where does an ocean not have water?
    A map.
  11. How do you organize a party on Mars?
    Planet.
  12. What building has the most stories?
    A library.
  13. Why don’t trees take the bus?
    They can never decide on a root.
  14. What did Tennessee?
    What Arkansas.
  15. Where do polar bears keep their money? 
    In a snowbank.
  16. How do billboards communicate?
    Sign language.

The Best Potty Humor Dad Jokes

  1. What did one toilet say to another?
    You look flushed.
  2. Spring is here!
    I got so excited I wet my plants!
  3. If you’re American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
    Euro-peein’.

The Best Work and Office Dad Jokes

  1. What do you call a singing laptop?
    A dell.
  2. What did the police man say to the belly button?
    You’re under a-vest.
  3. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?
    Because it’s pointless.
  4. What do lawyers wear to court?
    Lawsuits
  5. How do vampires start letters?
    Tomb it may concern…
  6. What did the laundryman say to the impatient customer?
    Keep your shirt on!
  7. To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.
    You have my Word!
  8. Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
    They each got six months.
  9. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
    Supplies!
  10. What’s red and bad for your teeth?
    A brick.
  11. If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you…
    …an iWitness?!
  12. What does a baby computer call his father?
    Data.
  13. Why did the student eat his homework?
    Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake!
  14. What has four wheels and flies?
    A garbage truck!
  15. How does a scientist freshen her breath?
    With experi-mints!
  16. Why was the broom late for work? 
    It over-swept.
  17. How do you define a farmer?
    Someone who is good in their field.
  18. Why do shoemakers go to heaven?
    They all have good soles.
  19. How do astronauts get their children to sleep?
    Rocket.
  20. What do you call music for chiropractors?
    Hip-hop.

The Best Fantasy and Horror Dad Jokes

  1. What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
    Nobody Knows.
  2. Which school subject was the witch’s favorite?
    Spelling!
  3. What do you call a boring dinosaur?
    A dino-snore!
  4. What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair?
    Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
  5. What do elves learn in school?
    The elf-abet.
  6. Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift?
    She had bad blood.
  7. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
    He couldn’t see himself doing it.
  8. Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?
    Because he was sitting on the deck!
  9. What do you call a blind dinosaur?
    A do-you-think-he-saw-us.
  10. What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show up?
    Someday my prints will come!
  11. What did one snowman say to the other?
    Can you smell carrots?
  12. How does the moon cut his hair?
    Eclipse it.
  13. How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?
    With a pumpkin patch.
  14. What do Kermit the Frog and Attila the Hun have in common?
    They both have the same middle name.
  15. Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space?
    He wanted to find Pluto!
  16. Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
    Because she will let it go.

The Best All-Around Dad Jokes

  1. I sold my vacuum the other day.
    All it was doing was collecting dust.
  2. What did the hat say to the scarf?
    You hang around, and I’ll go ahead.
  3. What did the right eye say to the left eye?
    Between you and me, something smells.
  4. How do you make Lady Gaga mad?
    Poke her face.
  5. Did you hear that I’m reading a book about anti-gravity?
    It’s impossible to put down.
  6. What does a spy do when he gets cold?
    He goes undercover.
  7. Why did the kid cross the playground?
    To get to the other slide.
  8. Why did Mozart sell his chickens?
    Because they kept saying “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
  9. What’s Forrest Gump’s password?
    1forrest1.
  10. Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?
    Because then it’d be a foot.
  11. Why is the grass so dangerous?
    It’s full of blades.
  12. What’s brown and sticky?
    A stick. 
  13. It’s not appropriate to make a dad joke if you’re not a dad.
    It’s a faux pa.
  14. I like telling Dad jokes.
    Sometimes he laughs!
  15. What do you call a man named David without an ID?
    Dav
  16. Can February march?
    No, but April may.
  17. What kind of bow is never crossed?
    A rainbow.
  18. What beans never grow?
    Jellybeans.

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Ah, dad jokes. Where would we be without our old man's groan-worthy one-liners? If you know the automatic response to "I'm hungry" ("Hi hungry, I'm Dad!") then you're sure to get a kick out these corny, funny dad jokes. They work for any occasion, whether you're pulling a fast one on your friends, your kids, or even coming up with Father's Day messages for your own pop. The best part about these silly jokes is that they'll always make you giggle, no matter what mood you're in. Who wouldn't crack a smile once they find out that Dad has a clean conscious—it's never been used! Or that a fake noodle is also known as an "impasta"—ba-dum tss. The best gifts for dad this year might just be an appreciation of his own unique brand of humor!

These so-bad-they're-good one-liners, puns, and funny jokes for kids are appropriate for any time of day, month, or year! We're sure that Ladd Drummond appreciates a cheesy dad joke—he loves a good prank, after all. Maybe he'll surprise Ree and tell her he's on a seafood diet—he sees food, then he eats it! Go ahead and test out a few of these cringe-worthy yet hilarious best dad jokes on your friends and family—you're guaranteed to get a laugh!

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Best Corny Dad Jokes

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  • Why did the orange lose the race? It ran out of juice.
  • How you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
  • Why are fish so smart? They live in schools!
  • What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
  • Why did the man fall down the well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
  • Why do peppers make such good archers? Because they habanero.
  • What did the sink tell the toilet? You look flushed!
  • Where do boats go when they're sick? To the dock.
  • What has ears but cannot hear? A cornfield!
  • Stop looking for the perfect match; use a lighter.
  • Can February March? No, but April May!
  • Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate nine!
  • I'm so good at sleeping that I do it with my eyes closed.
  • Try the seafood diet—you see food, then you eat it.
  • What do you call a pencil with two erasers? Pointless.
  • Did you hear the one about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head.
  • What's brown and sticky? A stick.
  • I hated facial hair but then it grew on me.
  • It really takes guts to be an organ donor.
  • Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to go spreading it!
  • What did the plumber say to the singer? Nice pipes.
  • I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you didn't like it.
  • How do you deal with a fear of speed bumps? You slowly get over it.
  • I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I'll let you know.
  • I'm reading an anti-gravity book. I can't put it down!
  • I'd avoid the sushi if I were you. It's a little fishy!
  • What state is known for its small drinks? Minnesota.
  • What's Forrest Gump's password? 1forrest1
  • What do houses wear? An address.
  • What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day? It was loaf at first sight.
  • What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers.
  • What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
  • What happens when a snowman throws a tantrum? He has a meltdown.

Best Dad Joke Puns

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  • Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.
  • What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
  • How do you throw a party in outer space? You planet.
  • Why was the broom late to class? It over-swept.
  • How do you make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles!
  • What do you say to a rabbit on its birthday? Hoppy Birthday!
  • What type of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
  • Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
  • Wanna hear a joke about construction? I'm still workin' on it!
  • What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
  • How does a lawyer say goodbye? I'll be suing ya!
  • You can't trust atoms. They make up everything!
  • What made the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.
  • Can I dive in this pool? It deep-ends.
  • What did the buffalo say to its son when he left? Bison!
  • Why do vampires always seem sick? They're coffin.
  • What musical instrument do you find in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste!
  • Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island.
  • How do astronomers organize a party? They planet.
  • Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
  • Why do melons have weddings? They cantaloupe!
  • What did the police officer say to her belly button? You're under a vest!
  • What do you call a fibbing cat? A lion.
  • What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business.
  • If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
  • Did you hear about the outlet who got in a fight with the power cord? He thought he could socket to him.
  • What do you call a fancy fish? So-fish-ticated.
  • If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
  • How do you make 7 even? You take away the s.
  • What kind of cars do eggs drive? Yolkswagens.
  • Where do math teachers go on vacation? Times Square.
  • Why was the stadium so hot after the game? Because all the fans left.

Best One-Liner Dad Jokes

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  • The coach went to the bank to get his quarterback.
  • I asked my dog what's two minus two. He said nothing.
  • The first thing Santa's elves learn in school is their elf-abet.
  • Ghosts are bad liars because you can see right through them.
  • Shouldn’t the “roof” of your mouth actually be called the ceiling?
  • All vampires keep their money in a special place—the blood bank.
  • The pony couldn't sing because it was a little horse.
  • If two vegetarians get in an argument, is it still called beef?
  • RIP boiling water, you will be mist.
  • I told my doctor I heard buzzing, but she said it's just a bug that's going around.
  • I ate a clock the other day. It was very time consuming.
  • I have a clean conscious—it's never been used.
  • I once wrote a song about a tortilla, but it's more of a wrap.
  • You can tell it's a dogwood tree from its bark.
  • When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
  • They say that 3/2 people are bad at fractions.
  • Dogs can't operate MRI machines but catscan.
  • A witch's vehicle goes brrrroom brrrroom!
  • I'm worried for the calendar because its days are numbered.
  • Dear Math, it's time to grow up and solve your own problems.
  • I only know 25 letters of the alphabet—I don't know y.
  • I just don't trust stairs, they're always up to something.
  • I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.

Best Dumb Dad Jokes

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  • Why were the utensils stuck together? They were spooning.
  • How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
  • Why did the picture go to prison? Because it was framed.
  • How does a hurricane see? With one eye.
  • Where do polar bears keep their money? The snow bank.
  • What's a tornado's favorite game? Twister!
  • How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
  • What do you call a funny mountain? Hill-arious.
  • What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
  • What did the banana say to the boy? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
  • What rock group has four men who don't sing? Mount Rushmore.
  • My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home!
  • What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
  • "Did you get your haircut?" No, I got them all cut.
  • I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.
  • Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind. It's tearable.
  • How many apples grow on a tree? All of them!
  • I talk to myself because sometimes I just need expert advice.
  • I used to be addicted to the hokey-pokey until I turned myself around.
  • What concert would cost only 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
  • What do you call someone who tells dad jokes but isn't a dad? A faux pa.
  • I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy.
  • If you see a crime at an Apple store, are you an iWitness?
  • I love telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he even laughs.
  • I hate Velcro. It's a rip off.
  • Spring is here! I got so excited that I wet my plants.
  • I had to sell my vacuum cleaner. All it was doing was gathering dust.
  • Do you know how many people are dead at a cemetery? All of them.
  • "I'll call you later." Don't call me later, call me Dad.
  • If the early bird gets the worm, I'll sleep in until there's pancakes.
  • The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.

Best Dad Jokes for Kids

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  • Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web.
  • What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear!
  • What do you give a sick lemon? Lemon-aid.
  • What did the nose tell the finger? Stop picking on me!
  • Why can't your hand be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
  • What kind of car does a sheep like to drive? A lamborghini.
  • What key is used to open bananas? A mon-key.
  • What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
  • How do you talk to a giant? You use big words!
  • How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it!
  • What kind of milk comes from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
  • What's a sea monster's favorite lunch? Fish and ships.
  • What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
  • Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, houses can't jump.
  • Why are pigs so bad at sports? They always hog the ball.
  • Why shouldn't you tell an egg a joke? It'll crack up.
  • What's a foot long and slippery? A slipper.
  • Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
  • What's a ninja's favorite type of shoes? Sneakers!
  • What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
  • How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together.
  • Why is no one friends with Dracula? He's a pain in the neck.
  • Where do you learn all about ice cream? Sundae school.

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40 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At

Here's a fun fact for you: Do you know why we call cringe-worthy jokes "corny"? It started in the early 20th century, when mail-order seed catalogs tried to make their boring products more entertaining by including really terrible jokes. Just how bad were their corny jokes about corn? Here's one for you: "What did the corn say when he was complimented? Aw, shucks." Here's another: "What did one ear of corn say to the other? Don't look now, but we're being stalked." What do you think? Pretty corny, huh? Anyway, that's where funny corny jokes got their start, and the tradition continues today, although they're not exclusive to seed catalogs anymore, and they're rarely (if ever) about farming supplies.

Here are 40 of our favorite funny corny jokes guaranteed to make you laugh, even if the rational part of your brain wants to resist. We promise you, we're not trying to sell you seeds. These best corny jokes are just for your enjoyment. For more lighthearted jokes, check out these 50 Jokes from Children That Are Crazy Funny.

Credit Card Corny Jokes

Cancel its credit card!

We're definitely adding this funny corny joke to our list of 50 Amazing Jokes You Can Text to Friends.

Criminal Walking Down Stairs Corny Jokes

A condescending con descending!

The secret to a healthy relationship is a good laugh, so make your partner cackle with these 30 Best Jokes for Your Partner.

Nose Corny Jokes

Because then it would be a foot!

And for more dad jokes like this one, check out the 50 Dad Jokes So Bad They're Actually Hilarious.

Businessman on Bike Corny Jokes

Attire!

For more lines from the professional jokesters (that fall less in the funny corny jokes category), check out these 50 Amazing Jokes From Comedy Legends.

Man Playing Golf Corny Jokes

In case he got a hole in one!

For the over 40 crowd, check out these 40 Best Jokes About Turning 40.

Snoop Dogg Corny Jokes

For drizzle!

For more hip-hop hilarity, check out the 30 Funniest Rap Lyrics!

Man Ironing Clothes Corny Jokes

Iron Man!

Think that's funny? You'll love the 40 Facts So Funny They're Hard to Believe!

Barber Corny Jokes

He knew a shortcut!

For more silly humor, discover the 50 Puns So Bad They're Actually Funny!

Cat Corny Jokes

A meow-tain!

And for more laughs, check out the 30 Funniest Memes of All Time!

Hipster Man Drinking Coffee Corny Jokes

He drank his coffee before it was cool!

Rabbits Corny Jokes

A receding hare line!

Poker Corny Jokes

Too many cheetahs!

Power Cord Corny Jokes

The outlet mall, of course!

Man at Vending Machine Corny Jokes

"Give me my quarterback!"

And for more sophomoric humor, enjoy the 50 Knock Knock Jokes Guaranteed to Crack You Up!

Drinking Tea Corny Jokes

Reality!

If that made you chuckle, you'll love the 75 Jokes That Are So Bad They're Actually Funny!

Lion Corny Jokes

Because he's always lion!

Empty Stadium Corny Jokes

All of the fans left!

Nachos and Cheese Corny Jokes

Nacho cheese!

If you liked that, you'll love The 30 Funniest Sitcom Jokes of All Time!

Fish Corny Jokes

Because it was below sea level!

Live Shrimp Corny Jokes

He was a little shellfish!

Dublin, Ireland Corny Jokes

It's Dublin!

Gummy Bears Corny Jokes

A gummy bear!

Mummy Corny Jokes

Wrap music!

Venetian Blinds Corny Jokes

Poke him in the eyes!

Christian Bale Corny Jokes

Christian Bale!

Burglar Corny Jokes

He takes things personally!

Pirate's Ship

Because he was always lost at C!

Seagull Flying Corny Jokes

A bagel!

Bull Corny Jokes

A bulldozer!

Elephant Corny Jokes

Have you ever tried to iron one?!

Swiss Roll Corny Jokes

Push him down a mountain!

Female Baker Corny Jokes

Bring her flours!

Usain Bolt Corny Jokes

Nothing. They fast!

Cattle Corny Jokes

With a cow-culator!

Flowers Tulips Corny Jokes

Tu-lips!

Jalapeno Peppers Corny Jokes

Jalapeño business!

Frog Corny Jokes

Bellhop!

Cake Corny Jokes

"Want a piece of me?!"

Group of Cats Corny Jokes

Cat-astrophe!

Sleeping Duck Corny Jokes

At the quack of dawn!

And if you're in the mood for less funny corny jokes and some slightly more cerebral humor, check out The 30 Funniest Celebrity Books!

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60 Hilarious Music Puns For Musicians

If you’re not sure what to say when you meet someone new, a good joke or pun can break the ice. It will show everyone you’re funny and prove you have a great sense of humor. Of course, you can always text these funny jokes to the friends you’ve already made. Give them a reason to smile at their phone today. Here are some corny jokes to share with your friends and family. Enjoy! 

corny jokes funny joke

Dad Jokes that will make everyone in the family laugh

These corny jokes are great to share with the young people in your life–and the old ones. They can make anyone’s day!

  1. How do vampires start letters? Tomb it may concern.
  2. Why can’t your nose be 12-inches long? Because it would be a foot.
  3. What kind of tree has a hand? A palm tree.
  4. What did the science book say to the math book? Wow, you’ve got problems.
  5. Why is the grass so dangerous? It’s full of blades.
  6. How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
  7. How do you make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles.
  8. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
  9. Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift? She had bad blood.
  10. To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!
  11. Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer? She kept running away from the ball!
  12. Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
  13. How did the black cats end their fight? They hissed and made up.
  14. How do you catch a whole school of fish? With bookworms.
  15. Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
  16. What do you call a boring dinosaur? A dino-snore!
  17. What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits.
  18. I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage. The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity!
  19. What do you call a factory that sells good products? A satis-factory.
  20. Why are there gates surrounding cemeteries? People are dying to get in.
  21. What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment.
  22. Why did the man get hit by a bike every day? He was stuck in a vicious cycle.
  23. What kind of music do planets like? Neptunes.
  24. What did the policeman say to his belly button? You’re under a vest.
  25. Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
  26. What do elves learn in school? The elf-abet.
  27. Why does Waldo wear stripes? He doesn’t want to be spotted.
  28. Why do people say “break a leg” when you go on stage? Every play has a cast.
  29. Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? He was a little horse.
  30. What did the hat say to the scarf? You hang around, and I’ll go ahead.
  31. Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure? He’s a little shellfish.
  32. How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for fresh prints.
  33. Why did the baby strawberry cry? His parents were in a jam.
  34. What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
  35. If you receive a picture of some meat in a tin from me at your email address. Don’t worry it’s just spam.
  36. What falls in winter but never gets hurt? Snow.
  37. Where was King David’s temple located? Beside his ear.
  38. Can February March? No, but April May!

corny jokes and funny jokes

corny jokes funny jokes

Dad Jokes that everyone you meet will love

Make sure you have hilarious puns ready so you can make new friends wherever life takes you. Get the best corny jokes below!

  1. It’s not appropriate to make a dad joke if you’re not a dad. It’s a faux pa.
  2. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
  3. Which school subject was the witch’s favorite? Spelling!
  4. How do you tell if a vampire is sick? See if he is coffin.
  5. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
  6. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pen? Because it’s pointless.
  7. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine now, she woke up.
  8. What did one toilet say to another? You look flushed.
  9. Why can’t you play hockey with pigs? They always hog the puck.
  10. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
  11. If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get? Mistle-toes.
  12. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
  13. How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
  14. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because she was stuffed.
  15. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
  16. If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you… an iWitness?!

corny jokes and funny jokes images

corny jokes and funny jokes

Jokes for adults and kids to tell every day

Smiling should be an everyday activity, which is why telling corny jokes should be an everyday activity. Here are a few to start off with:

  1. What kind of cheese isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
  2. Where does the electric cord go to shop? An outlet mall.
  3.  Why are frogs are so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
  4. Why don’t melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
  5. Why did the bike fall over? It was two tired.
  6. What did the laundryman say to the impatient customer? Keep your shirt on!
  7. What does corn say when it gets a compliment? Aw, shucks!
  8. What do you call an alligator detective? An investi-gator.
  9. What did the bartender say to the turkey sandwich when it tried to order a beer? “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
  10. When do computers overheat? When they need to vent.
  11. Why can’t your ear be 12-inches long? Then it would be a foot.
  12. How do rabbits travel? By hareplanes.
  13. Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi.
  14. How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
  15. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
  16. Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? If it had four doors it would be called a chicken sedan.
  17. What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.
  18. Why did the photo go to jail? Because it was framed.
  19. What was the frog’s job at the hotel? Bellhop.
  20. What do cows most like to read? Cattle-logs.
  21. What do you call a blind dinosaur? A do-you-think-he-saw-us.
  22. What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore.
  23. Have you heard about the corduroy pillow? It’s making headlines!
  24. What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
  25. Why did the restaurant hire a pig? He was good at bacon.
  26. What did the snail say when it was riding on the turtle’s back? Wheeee!

corny jokes and funny jokes

corny jokes and funny jokes

Clean dad jokes that are the peak of comedy

These clean, corny jokes and puns will give everyone a good laugh without making anyone uncomfortable. They’re perfect for any age group.

  1. Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? For drizzle!
  2. I sold my vacuum the other day. All it was doing was collecting dust.
  3. What do you call a snobby criminal going down the stairs? A con descending.
  4. Why couldn’t the pony sing himself a lullaby? He was a little hoarse.
  5. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
  6. What do Kermit the Frog and Attila the Hun have in common? They both have the same middle name.
  7. What has ears but can’t hear? A cornfield!
  8. Which flowers are the best kissers? Tu-lips.
  9. What do you call a row of rabbits hopping away? A receding hare line.
  10. How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
  11. What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
  12. What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.
  13. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
  14. What did one snowman say to the other? Can you smell carrots?
  15. What’s the best way to burn 1,000 calories? Leave the pizza in the oven.
  16. Why are the Irish so wealthy? Because their capital is Dublin.
  17. What do sprinters eat before they race? Nothing. They fast.
  18. How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree? By the bark.
  19. What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? Ketchup.
  20. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
  21. What did the nose say to the finger? Quit picking on me!
  22. You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.
  23. What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.

corny jokes and funny jokes

corny jokes and funny jokes

Best corny jokes that will make you laugh aloud

Try to say these corny jokes aloud without cracking a smile. It’s nearly impossible!

  1. What did the cake say to the fork? You want a piece of me?
  2. What kind of ghost has the best hearing? The eeriest.
  3. What’s that restaurant on the moon like? It doesn’t have atmosphere.
  4. What has more lives than a cat? A frog, because it croaks every day.
  5. After dinner, my wife asked if I could clear the table. I needed a running start, but I made it!
  6. Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? She will let it go.
  7. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
  8. What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A father-in-law.
  9. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
  10. Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his snack? He was shellfish.
  11. What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show up? Someday my prints will come!
  12. What does a baby computer call his father? Data.
  13. Bacon and eggs walk into a bar. The bartender said, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”
  14. What did the right eye say to the left eye? Between you and me, something smells.
  15. What do you call a snake wearing a hard hat? A boa constructor.
  16. What did the elevator say when it sneezed? I think I’m coming down with something.
  17. How does a rancher keep track of his cattle? With a cow-culator.
  18. Why wouldn’t the poppy seed leave the casino? He was on a roll.
  19. What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap music.
  20. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They crack up too easily.
  21. What do you do with a sick boat? Take it to the doc.
  22. When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar.
  23. What does a spy do when he gets cold? He goes undercover.
  24. Why don’t you buy things with Velcro? It’s a rip-off.
  25. Why did the robber jump in the shower? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
  26. Why did the kid cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
  27. Why are elephants wrinkly? You can’t iron them.
  28. Why did the kid stock up on yeast? He wanted to make some dough.
  29. What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality.
  30. What kind of shoes do robbers wear? Sneakers.
  31. What do you call a man that irons clothes? Iron Man.
  32. How do you make Lady Gaga mad? Poke her face.

corny jokes and funny jokes

corny jokes and funny jokes images

The best dad jokes to share on a bad day

These corny jokes shouldn’t go over anyone’s head, even the youngest children in the household.

  1. How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.
  2. What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine? Give me my quarterback.
  3. Why can’t you trust duck doctors? They’re all quacks.
  4. What do you get when you cross a lemon and a cat? A sour puss.
  5. Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
  6. What runs but never goes anywhere? A fridge.
  7. What did one hat say to the other? You stay here. I’ll go on ahead.
  8. How does a duck buy lipstick? She just puts it on her bill.
  9. What do you call a duck that gets all A’s? A wise quacker.
  10. What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
  11. Why couldn’t the pirate learn the alphabet? He got lost at C.
  12. Why can’t you trust the king of the jungle? He’s always lion.
  13. Why were the fish’s grades bad? They were below sea level.
  14. How do you impress a baker? Bring him flours.

corny jokes funny jokes

The best, most hilarious puns for adults with good senses of humor

These corny jokes will make everyone with a sense of humor laugh until their face hurts. Make sure to share them with everyone soon!

  1. Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory? Lack of concentration.
  2. Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake!
  3. What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
  4. Did you hear that I’m reading a book about anti-gravity? It’s impossible to put down.
  5. What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing. It waved.
  6. Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All the fans left.
  7. What do you call banana peel shoes? Slippers.
  8. Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
  9. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? The “P” is silent.
  10. How do you make a lemon drop? Just let it fall.
  11. What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.
  12. What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot? A walkie talkie.
  13. Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space? He wanted to find Pluto! Thought Catalog Logo Mark
Sours: https://thoughtcatalog.com/january-nelson/2021/01/corny-jokes/

Corny jokes funny

70 Jokes So Corny They'll Leave You in Stitches

It's no secret that we love jokes here at Best Life—whether we're talking about bad ones,clean ones,corny ones,hilarious ones,dad ones,kid ones, or good old-fashioned knock-knock ones. In fact, we love jokes to much that we recently called on our loyal readers to submit their favorite silly jokes. Suffice it to say, they delivered.

After reading through hundreds of reader submissions—and laughing so hard my sides were hurting and my tear ducts were running dry—we've culled the list down to these 65 of our readers' wittiest wisecracks, punchiest punchlines, and goofiest gags. So read on, and enjoy the best corny jokes!

Adele corny jokes

To say hello from the other side!
– Marlena Wood; Havertown, PA

weird laws corny jokes

Anna1, Anna2!
– Nidia Guri; Madison heights, MI
And for more corny jokes, check out the 50 Knock Knock Jokes Guaranteed to Crack You Up.

bartender corny jokes

The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
– Jason Stiff; Santa Barbara, CA

chocolate chip cookies corny jokes

Because he felt crummy!
– Amanda Reardon; Shelburne, NH

corny jokes

A mice cream cone!
– Sarah Moore; Fargo, ND
And for even more of the best corny jokes, don't miss 40 Funniest Jokes About Animals.

ruined running shoes corny jokes

… The lawyer then stops to put on his sneakers. The doctor says to the lawyer: "What are you doing?! We can't outrun this bear!"
The lawyer looks at the doctor and says: "I know. I just need to outrun you!"
– LaTran Scott; Wayne, NJ

beer in a bar corny jokes

The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food here!"
– Fernando Olivares; Calexico, CA

the head of an owl with yellow eyes, math jokes

Whodini!
– Sandra Dukes; Lafayette, IN

J.Crew Packable Panama Hat corny jokes

You hang around. I'll go on a head!
– Dawn Webb; Bellingham , WA
For more corny jokes, check out these Hilarious Jokes about Home Design Shows.

glass of water corny jokes

So I gave him a glass of water!
– Craig Olshlager; Van Nuys, CA

cat in bathroom corny jokes

European!
– Holly Garnett; Torrington, CT

Snoop Dogg parenting dad corny jokes

For drizzle!
– Scott Simmonette; Douglasville, GA

Forrest Gump worst Oscar winners corny jokes

1forest1!
– Tiago Pedreira; Torrington, CT

Zombie apocalypse weird college classes corny jokes

Grains!
– Andrew Kennicutt; Rochester, MN

Molecules corny jokes

Because they make up everything!
– Mary Arns; Birmingham, AL

Beef chicken lol corny jokes

To get to the other slide!
– Kari Roth; Appleton, WI

clown fish movie facts corny jokes

Dam!
– Roxanne Richards; Toledo, OH

dressing well in your 30s corny jokes

Nice belt!
– Darryl Perry; North Andover, MA

bert and ernie corny jokes

Ernie says, "Sherbert!"
– EJ Luera; Las Vegas, NV

Bunnies corny jokes

A receding hare line.
– Bob Haynes; Springfield, MO

snowman corny jokes

Do you smell carrots?
– Ron Elstun; Colorado Springs, CO

bad jokes that are actually funny corny jokes

…and asked for a beer and a mop.
– Doug Bryant; Clifton, VA

Sheep in Vineyard corny jokes

The Baaa-Baaa Shop!
– Annmarie Weeks; Fogelsville, PA

Onions, healthy food corny jokes

No one cries when you cut up the bagpipes!
– Glen Morris; Kamloops, BC

50 funniest facts corny jokes

Because they taste funny!
– Catlynne Keet; Jacksonville, FL

Man outside wearing sunglasses corny jokes

Dad: "I don't know: Where are my dad glasses?"
– MaryLou Burks; Reno, NV

how to fall asleep corny jokes

Look, Grandpa, no hands!
– Lorri Robey; Welcome, MD

TV bias lighting at Best Buy corny jokes

Dad: "Yes, but don't turn it on."
– Nichole Barr; Las Vegas, NV

fridges discounts woman opening corny jokes

You can't shut the door!
– Jamie  Schamp; Liverpool, NY

Penguin Couple Things You Believed That Aren't True corny jokes

…in the  backseat of his car and got pulled over by a police officer. The officer said  to the man "Mister, you better take those penguins to the zoo!"  So away they went! The next day the same officer sees the man driving down the street and again he has the penguins in the backseat of his car, so he pulls him over again and says "I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!"  The man replies, " I did officer, but we had so much fun at the zoo yesterday that we're going back today!"
– Mindy Moses; Irvine, CA

winter superfoods shiitake mushrooms corny jokes

Hey, I'm a fun-gi!
– Kane ZuHone; Highland Lakes, NJ

fly corny jokes


A male fly spots her, flies down to her, checks her out, looks her in the eyes and says:
Is this stool taken?
– Marty Kruszynski; Richfield, OH
Pig brain crazy news 2018 corny jokes

Pulled Pork!
– Aimee Wyatt; Redondo Beach, CA

corny jokes

"Tell me little Henry; What's the difference between ignorance and indifference?"
Little Henry: "I don't know and I don't care!"
– James Gillette, Tallahassee, FL

Soldier in fatigues corny jokes

Up their sleevies!
– Barbra Galindo; San Tan Valley, AZ

Bacon Level Alabama corny jokes

Because it is made in grease (Greece)!
– Larry Ketchersid; Austin, TX

Duck Swimming Animal Jokes corny jokes

Because they will quack up!
– Louie Ceja; Midlothian, IL

hands proposing with ring corny jokes

Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering!
– Laurie Buffington; San Diego, CA

Sleeping Duck Corny Jokes

He told the pharmacist he wanted some chapstick.
The pharmacist asked him how he wanted to pay.
He said put it on my bill.
– John Polster; Greenfield, WI

pirate facebook corny jokes

He orders a bottle of rum. The bartender gives it to him and ask the pirate if that's a new hat on his head.
The pirate laughs and tells the bartender, "No matey that's where they put the bounty on me head!"
– Gray Starling; Pfafftown, NC

bad puns corny jokes

That's the spirit!
– Gabriella Varcoe, Bloomington, MN

Flag of Ireland corny jokes

Patty O'Furniture!
– Larry Dockall; Waco, TX

pillows outdoor seating corny jokes

They're making headlines!
– Ellen-Sue, Ryan; Alexandria, VA

endangered species corny jokes

Now he's aware wolf!
– Robyn Stewart; Silver Spring, MD

Two Cows national animal corny jokes

Do they still call it a beef?
– Gary Brackett; Sonora, CA

bad jokes that are actually funny corny jokes

Because it has a silent pee!
– Tania Tomilonus; Rockford, IL

bad jokes that are actually funny corny jokes

"SUPPLIES!"
– April Brady; Grand Rapids, MI

bar stool Organized corny jokes

"Ouch!"
– Lenard White; Sonoma, CA

Sunrise Best Date Ideas corny jokes

It's twirly! (Get it? Too early?)
– Mark Kelleher; Woodbury, MN

bad puns corny jokes

"Who's There?"
"Little old lady."
'Little old lady who?'
"I didn't know you could yodel!"
– Amber Ratliff; Anaheim, CA

husky dog in the woods corny jokes

As he is enjoying his drink, the phone at the end of the bar rings.
Pavlov jumps from his seat and exclaims, "I forgot to feed the dog!"
– Tom McLennan; Atlanta, GA

carrots health myths corny jokes

Bunny burps!
– Anthony Porter; West Jordan, UT

dan dan noodles corny jokes

An impasta
– Linda  Mccook; Fontana, CA

desktop backgrounds yellow corny jokes

"Y"
"Because I want to know!"
– Tim Brown; Paynesville, MN

Camel Bogus 20th Century Facts corny jokes

Camelflauge
– Michele Geary; Greensburg, PA

divorce secrets corny jokes

It was a dell!
– Thomas Sturgeon; Jacksonville, FL

fatboy bike, unusual gifts corny jokes

It was two tired.
– Linda Singleton; Chicago, IL

funniest facts corny jokes

Pop!
– Jon Lewis; Brooklyn, NY

Laser printer corny jokes

Someday my prints will come!
– Jack Kinsell; Villa Rica, GA

seafood Italians corny jokes

When I see food I eat it!
– Michael Graczyk; Tinley Park, IL

Guy Opening a Car Door {Always Buy on Craigslist}

Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!
– Kurt Koffler; Topeka, KS

Bars of soap corny jokes

…and gave my dad some soap flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast."
"Was he mad?"
"Yup. He was foaming at the mouth!"
– Fred King; Grand Ledge, MI

hobbies for your 40s corny jokes

"Who's there?"
"Canoe!"
"Canoe who?"
"Canoe please let me in?"
– Kelly Marks; Kent, WA

Sea creature corny jokes

Because she grew out of A and B shells.
– Evelyn Gutierrez; Magnolia, TX

cheap mattress Never Buy corny jokes

We're getting married in the spring!
– Jeannine Blondiau; Prairieville, LA

50 funniest facts corny jokes

Because they are shell fish! (Selfish)
– Jan Sobieski; Macungie, PA

salema porgy fish - funniest jokes

A fsssshhhhh!
– Roger Reis; Macungie, PA

Bagels for breakfast crummy corny jokes

Let's find some middle ground!
–Terri Mattson; Eden Prairie, MN

winter superfoods corny jokes

Lemon Pie!
–Harold Dufrene; Lockport, LA

Seagull Flying Corny Jokes

Because then it would be a bay gull (bagel)
–Kathy Raner; Vancouver, WA

For more of the best corny jokes, check out these 75 Jokes That Are So Bad They're Actually Funny.

To discover more amazing secrets about living your best life, click here to follow us on Instagram!

David Zinczenko

Dave is a globally recognized expert in health, fitness, nutrition, and weight loss and is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of 25 books in 15 languages. Read more

Sours: https://bestlifeonline.com/corny-jokes-stitches/
Best Corny Jokes - Favorite Corny Jokes - Jokes Funny One Liner - Vignette 68

Dads are good at so many things, from teaching you how to ride a bike to showing you how to change a tire, and everything in between. They provide a reassuring hand to hold and a strong shoulder to cry on...all with that special sense of humor known as dad jokes. What's a dad joke, you ask? It's that groan-worthy, pun-laden, can't-help-but-laugh type of humor that dads are best at delivering. Sure, there are mom jokes and jokes for kids, but we just can't help but laugh at the one-liners from dear old dad.

🌻 Join the Country Club today and

Put these so-bad-they're-good best dad jokes of all time to use as Father's Day captions and put a smile on your old man's face this year. Of course, if you'd like to take a more sentimental route, we have plenty of meaningful dad quotes to choose from too.

Best Corny Dad Jokes

  • "I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."
  • "My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward."
  • "Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?" "In case they get a hole in one!"
  • "Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera."
  • "What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?" "They're both Paris sites."
  • "What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?" "Sofishticated."
  • "How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?" "You follow the fresh prints."
  • "If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?" "Pilgrims."
  • "I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along."
  • "What do you call a factory that makes okay products?" "A satisfactory."
  • "Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems."
  • "What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?" "Supplies!"
  • "Have you heard about the chocolate record player? It sounds pretty sweet."
  • "What did the ocean say to the beach?" "Nothing, it just waved."
  • "Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?" "Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels."
  • "I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y."
  • "How does the moon cut his hair?" "Eclipse it."
  • "What did one wall say to the other?" "I'll meet you at the corner."
  • "What did the zero say to the eight?" "That belt looks good on you."
  • "A skeleton walks into a bar and says, 'Hey, bartender. I'll have one beer and a mop.'"
  • "Where do fruits go on vacation?" "Pear-is!"
  • "I asked my dog what's two minus two. He said nothing."
  • "What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn?" "Where's Pop Corn?"
  • "What's the best thing about Switzerland?" "I don't know, but the flag is a big plus."
  • "What does a sprinter eat before a race?" "Nothing, they fast!"
  • "Where do you learn to make a banana split?" "Sundae school."
  • "What has more letters than the alphabet?" "The post office!"
  • "Dad, did you get a haircut?" "No, I got them all cut!"
  • "What do you call a poor Santa Claus?" "St. Nickel-less."
  • "I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said never mind."
  • "Where do boats go when they're sick?" "To the boat doc."
  • "I don't trust those trees. They seem kind of shady."
  • "My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!"
  • "How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut."
  • "Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up."
  • "I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something."
  • "What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows."
  • "Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!"
  • "Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired."
  • "What did one hat say to the other?" "Stay here! I'm going on ahead."
  • "Why did Billy get fired from the banana factory? He kept throwing away the bent ones."
  • "Dad, can you put my shoes on?" "No, I don't think they'll fit me."
  • "Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot."
  • "What does a lemon say when it answers the phone?" "Yellow!"
  • "This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in."
  • "What kind of car does an egg drive?" "A yolkswagen."
  • "Dad, can you put the cat out?" "I didn't know it was on fire."
  • "How do you make 7 even?" "Take away the s."
  • "How does a taco say grace?" "Lettuce pray."
  • "What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y."
  • "Why didn't the skeleton climb the mountain?" "It didn't have the guts."
  • "What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?" "A meltdown."
  • "How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles."
  • "I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction."
  • "What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!"
  • "What does a bee use to brush its hair?" "A honeycomb!"
  • "How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it."
  • "Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!"
  • "What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese."
  • "My dad told me a joke about boxing. I guess I missed the punch line."
  • "What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!"
  • "How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together."
  • "How did Harry Potter get down the hill?" "Walking. JK! Rowling."

Best One-Liner Dad Jokes

  • "I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now."
  • "A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest."
  • "You think swimming with sharks is expensive? Swimming with sharks cost me an arm and a leg."
  • "When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?"
  • "I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know..."
  • "Do you wanna box for your leftovers?" "No, but I'll wrestle you for them."
  • "That car looks nice but the muffler seems exhausted."
  • "Shout out to my fingers. I can count on all of them."
  • "If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?"
  • "What country's capital is growing the fastest?" "Ireland. Every day it's Dublin."
  • "I once had a dream I was floating in an ocean of orange soda. It was more of a fanta sea."
  • "Did you know corduroy pillows are in style? They're making headlines."
  • "Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's okay, he woke up."
  • "A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'"
  • "I once got fired from a canned juice company. Apparently I couldn't concentrate."
  • "I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands."
  • "Have you ever tried to catch a fog? I tried yesterday but I mist."
  • "I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
  • "Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field."
  • "I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless."
  • "How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!"
  • "I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!"
  • "Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the 'no-bell' prize."
  • "I've got a great joke about construction, but I'm still working on it."
  • "I used to hate facial hair...but then it grew on me."
  • "I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner—it was just gathering dust!"
  • "I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I've never looked back since."
  • "You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine."
  • "What's brown and sticky? A stick."
  • "Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the 'P' is silent."
  • "What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant."
  • "What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk."
  • "I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!"
  • "What's the best smelling insect?" "A deodor-ant."
  • "I used to be a personal trainer. Then I gave my too weak notice."
  • "Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!"
  • "If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?"
  • "I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know."
  • "It takes guts to be an organ donor."
  • "If you see a crime at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?"
  • "I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!"
  • "I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it."

Best Dad Joke Puns

  • "What do you call a fake noodle?" "An impasta."
  • "What do you call a belt made of watches?" "A waist of time."
  • "What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street?" "Traffic jam."
  • "What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?" "Prime mates."
  • "What do you call a pony with a sore throat?" "A little hoarse."
  • "Where do math teachers go on vacation?" "Times Square."
  • "Whenever I try to eat healthy, a chocolate bar looks at me and Snickers."
  • "What does garlic do when it gets hot?" "It takes its cloves off."
  • "What's a robot's favorite snack?" "Computer chips."
  • "How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh?" "Nothing, it's on the house."
  • "Mountains aren't just funny. They're hill areas."
  • "What do clouds wear?" "Thunderwear."
  • "Why are piggy banks so wise?" "They're filled with common cents."
  • "Why is Peter Pan always flying?" "He neverlands."
  • "How do you get a good price on a sled?" "You have toboggan."
  • "How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood tree?" "By its bark."
  • "I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me."
  • "It's inappropriate to make a 'dad joke' if you're not a dad. It's a faux pa."
  • "What do you call a hot dog on wheels?" "Fast food!"
  • "Where do young trees go to learn?" "Elementree school."
  • "Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents."
  • "Can February March? No, but April May!"
  • "How do lawyers say goodbye? We'll be suing ya!"
  • "Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it's tearable."
  • "What's the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream."
  • "Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants."
  • "I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy."
  • "Don't trust atoms. They make up everything!"
  • "When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent."
  • "I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off."
  • "What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer? The space bar."
  • "I don't play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I'm just doing it for kicks!"
  • "Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels."
  • "Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb."
  • "What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta."
  • "Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island."
  • "What did the coffee report to the police? A mugging."
  • "What did the fish say when he hit the wall? Dam."
  • "Is this pool safe for diving? It deep ends."
  • "If you see a crime happen at the Apple store, what does it make you?" "An iWitness."

Blair DonovanBlair Donovan is a staff writer for CountryLiving.com, where she covers everything from the latest Joanna Gaines and “The Voice” news to home décor, gardening, DIY, and entertaining.

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Mmmm, mmm, how good. - I could not restrain myself. Uuuum, uuummm, uuumm. - moaned my mother. I stroked her head and beautiful, blond, loose hair that reached her shoulder blades.



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